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1. Take Your Pants Off
We’re Gonna commit a crime tonight
(Stop saying that)
Why?
I’ve been waiting for so long
Your body is the reason for this song
I want to see you naked
I want to see you shake it
One of these days I’ll find out your name
One of these days you’ll play my game
I’ll run right up to you
I’ll run right into you
I’ll grab your hand
I’ll kiss your lips
I’ll say:
Take your pants off!
Baby take your pants off
Take them right off.
Take your pants right off!
Put’em in the closet
Put’em on the floor
I don’t care just take your pants off.
I’ve been waiting for two days
Thinking about you in crazy ways
I want to buy you a waffle
I want to do something awful
One of these days I’ll talk to you
One of these days I’ll take you to the zoo
I’ll run right up to you
I’ll run right into you
I’ll grab your ass
I’ll kiss your neck
I’ll say:
Take your pants off!
Baby take your pants off
Take them right off
Baby take your pants off
Put’em in the closet
Put’em on the floor
I don’t care just take your pants off.
I’ve been waiting for an hour
I want to give you a flower
I want you to hear what I said
I want to take you to bed
One of these days I’ll take fuck you under the stars
The whole time we’ll be listening to The Cars
I’ll run right up to you
I’ll run right into you
I’ll grab your hand
I’ll kiss your lips
I’ll say:
Take your pants off!
Baby take your pants off
Take them right off
Take your pants off!
Put’em in the closet
Put’em on the floor
I don’t care just take your pants off
2. The Girl Who Has No Tacos
I’ll sing a song
About the way you walk
You walk funny
And you’re ugly
I wouldn’t buy you a taco
Even if you asked me too
For sex
And I like sex
I like it a lot
But you’re not worth it
Even for a taco
I like sex
And I like tacos
But you’re not worth it
You will always be
The girl who has no tacos
You will live your life in its whole
With no tacos
You’re just so ugly
You’re just so ugly
You’re just so ugly
You cannot have a taco.
I’ll sing a song
About the way you walk
You walk funny
And you’re ugly
I wouldn’t buy you a taco
Cause I don’t like you
Enough to spend
My hard earned money
On you
Even for sex
And I like sex
But I just cannot fuck you
Because
I won’t do it for a taco.
You will always be
The girl who has no tacos
You will live your life without
A single taco.
You’re so ugly
You’re so ugly
You’re so ugly
I’ll sing a song
About the way you walk
Over to my room
To ask me for some Tacos
And Ask me for some sex
But I don’t like you
But I like tacos
Not the way you walk-oh
No ma’am, you don’t get no cock-oh
This might give you a shock-oh
I won’t eat your tac-oh
Even for a tac-oh
You will always be
The girl who has no tacos
You will live your life
Without a single taco
You will live your life
As ugly as you are now.
And I’m so sorry.
3. Key Lime Pie Makes Girls Want To Have Sex With You
When you're eating key lime pie
Girls like you.
Everyone likes you.
You just look smooth with a key lime pie
Not a slice
A whole pie
Key lime pie has an aura
It explains something to people
So you don't have to do it yourself
It explains that you understand
You know what it takes to be smooth
Eating a Key lime pie
lets other girls see
that every other guy is a jerk
Key lime pie actually inspires lust
A true key lime pie
convinces each and every girl
that they should pay attention
to you (x12)
I remember my first kiss
I was in a diner
Just outside of Memphis
A girl sat down beside me
She said her name was Princess
Then she eyed my pie
Ladies, that is such a turnoff
None the less
I allowed her to scoot closer
Next up I shoveled a huge bite
of key lime pie
into my mouth
Girls can't resist that.
She kissed me at that instant
tongue and all
That was two weeks ago this Thursday
Thank you princess
Next time you can have
a slice (x12)
I remember my first time
I was at a hotel
Somewhere in Kansas City
A girl saw me carrying a pie
back to my room
She eyed my pie
Ladies, that is such a turnoff
I asked for her name anyway
Hoping to get a kiss
Her name turned out to be Princess
And I invited her into my room
I opened my pie
She looked at me
I cut a slice
She blew a kiss
I put half of the slice in my mouth
With crumbs all over my mouth
She pushed me back on to
the bed (x12)
key lime pie makes girls want to have sex with you
4. Amber’s Guardian
Spider in my cabinet..
And it won’t let me
Talk to you
It says it will bite me
If I even look in your eye
And all I wanna do is bake you
A thousand pies
A thousand pies
A thousand pies
A thousand pies
Creepy spider eating my head
Creepy spider eating my arm
I want to hold you in my arm
But spider ate it and now its gone
Spider in my cabinet
Tied a web all over me
So that I can’t even move
Whenever you’re in
The same town
Spider just makes me
Frown
And Frown
And Frown
And Frown
And Frown
Here we go!
Creepy spider eating my head
Creepy spider eating my arm
I want to hold you in my arm
But spider ate it and now it’s gone
Gonna get to your soul with rock and roll
(And I don’t mean the fish)
Spider in my cabinet
I don’t think spider is charlotte
I think she is a harlot
Killing spider would be groovy
So I could take you to a movie
I’ll kill spider after a while
And every day I’ll make you smile
Creepy spider eating my head
Creepy spider eating my arm
I want to hold you in my arm
But spider ate it and now it’s gone
Creepy spider eating my head
Creepy spider eating my arm
I want to hold you in my arm
But spider ate it and now it’s gone
5. Drinking With Jesus
You know one time
I went drinking with Jesus
It was probably the greatest time of my life
He picked me up around seven
And we went to get some pie
After getting chocolate pie
And eating the whole thing
Jesus suggested we go drinking
So we did
“We’ll go in my car” said Jesus
And I hopped in
I hopped in to the El Camino
We arrived at a bar in that neighborhood
That you don’t like to go into
I can only have a few
I’m near broke I told him
“You buy the first round, and I’ll buy the rest” he said
I ordered two drinks… one for me and one for my pal Jesus
The two drinks arrived
Jesus looked at them
And then he made the two glasses of beer
Into two thousand glasses of beer
“Drinks are on me!” he let the bar know
And all the patrons gathered round and thanked him so
Around two in the morning
We called a cab
And left the neighborhood
that you don’t like to go into
The cab stopped at a stop sign
On the opposite side of the river
From Jesus’ house
Jesus got out and said
“I’ll walk from here…”
7. I’m Sorry
Every time I drink I think of you
Every time I drink I’m still with you
I go do all the things you wanted me to
We go to the park but I don’t complain
We listen to the music you loved to hear
We eat up all the food you wanted to have
Cause every time I drink I think of you
And Every time I think I have a few
I was wrong the whole damn time
I’m sorry you wasted your time
I’m sorry I ain’t worth a dime.
Whenever I’m alone I think of you
Whenever I’m alone I’m still with you
I hear all the things you wanted me to do
You say I’m getting fat well I eat less and less
You say what you wanna do I always let you
You ask for understanding and I give it to you
Cause whenever I’m alone I think of you
Whenever I’m alone I drink a few.
I was wrong the whole damn time
I’m sorry you wasted your time
I’m sorry I ain’t worth a dime.
These days whenever we’re together
Everything’s fine
If you were really here
All would be fine
These days whenver we’re together
You’re only in my mind
But if you were really here
I’d promise to be kind
I was wrong the whole damn time
I’m sorry you wasted your time
I’m sorry I ain’t worth a dime.
9. You’re All That I See
Staring at you
I can’t quit looking at you
Through
Your window
You don’t know I’m there
Or else
You just don’t care
I’ve got nothing better to do
Than keep on staring at you
So take off your clothes
I wanna see so some more
It’s girls like you
And times like these
They’re all that I have
Stay naked just a little bit longer
I’m almost done
Stand in front of the window
This is so much fun
Because I mean it to every girl that I look at
I’m hiding in your closet
You don’t know I’m there
And I don’t care
You’d run and you’d scream if you knew
I watch you every time that you’re nude
I can’t stop thinking of you
And all that you do
So take off your clothes
And ease my woes
It’s girls like thee
And times like these
Are why I’m so creepy
Stay naked just a little bit longer
I’m almost done
Stand in front of the window
This is so much fun
Because I mean it to every girl that I look at
There’s a camera in your house
Right above your bed
I watched you on my television set
It’s such a shame that we haven’t met
Everything I’m seein’
Except when you’re peein’
You’re all that I want
You’re all that I see
And girls like you
And guys like me
Well we should never meet
Stay naked just a little bit longer
I’m almost done
Stand in front of the window
This is so much fun
Because I mean it to every girl that I look at
Hey! I think she waved at me!
10. We’re Sharing A Beer (In My Mind)
If you were my girl
I'd would share my beer with you
You're that pretty
You're that lovely
I want to share a beer with you
I stay home alone
And every minute I think of you
You're that pretty
You're that lovely
I want to share a beer with you
If you were my girl
We would go to a gas station
I'd buy you nachos
I'd buy you cookies
I want to buy some beer with you
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
In my mind
If you were my girl
I would share my pie with you
You're that pretty
You're that hungry
I want to share my pie with you
I stay outside your window
Hoping for a glimpse
I'm that crazy
I'm that insane
I want to share a pie with you
If you were my girl
We would go out for ribs
You could eat messy
You could eat sloppy
I want to share some ribs with you
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
In my mind
If you were my girl
I would share my life with you
You're an angel
You're so perfect
I want to share my beer with you
I stay home alone
You're always on my mind
You're so funny
You're all that I want
I want to share my beer with you
I want to share my beer with you
I want to share my beer with you
I want to share my beer with you
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
We're sharin' a beer
In my mind
